james-dream-diary-holiday-edition

1

I’m at my old job, filling out a questionare outside my friend Ella’s office. Luckily, the questions were all related to and about Captain America, making it easy.

As I’m working, Ella begins making very fake, obnoxious sex moans, I suppose to break my concentration. Strangely enough, she stops at a certain point to mention, in a mid-west American accent, that she is currently visiting Cake and Media Matters dot com. I’m sure that site doesn’t actually exist.

After a full minute of ignoring her moaning and groaning, I turn around and discover that she is now sitting right behind me.

“Yes?” I ask.
“Hey”
“What are you doing?”
“I am at home!” Not really the question I asked, but sure.
I ask in my pervert voice, “WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?”
The punchline: “James I am a second wife!” Her joke sucked and ultimately went nowhere.
I let out a sarcastic, “nooooo” before interjecting a serious, “wait, second!?”

2

I’m living in a mansion with a group of other kids my age. However, they’re all wannabe superstars on YouTube. The Random Gaming Guy, for example. I hate living with them.

I have a new job with the U.N. Here, the U.N are run by different bands. Each band controls its own country. At the moment, America was run by a really shitty screamo band called Flying Purple Bubblegum. I was in a shoegazer band, vying for control of the US.

Instead, I spend the day trying to find my clothes. One of these fatasses took them and replaced them with Hawaiian shirts, XXL wifebeaters and overshirts with dragons on them. No self-respecting man would wear such things!